The Surviving Mother’s Past

Surviving CPTSD Nightmares and My New Life

Not all PTSD nightmares manifest as direct re-experiencing of the physical trauma. Sometimes they just conjure up the same feelings.

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Surviving Reality…

Juggling a fulltime job, a husband who works all the time, a very needy toddler, a painkiller addiction, and CPTSD you can lose yourself very easily. I found myself in a constant state of autopilot while simultaneously becoming more and more bitter with the world around me. I constantly felt like I wasn’t present enough […]

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Surviving Her First Few Years While Parenting with CPTSD …

The first few months of her life were exhausting.

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Surviving Surgery, My Rainbow Baby, and Day 1 as a Mom.

I knew that I would, in all likelihood, be having this baby via c-section quite early in my pregnancy.

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Surviving A Difficult Pregnancy…

At my very first 6 week check up they advised my progesterone levels were too low and that I would need to have them checked bi-weekly to make sure they were improving. I was so excited I was ready to have a little belly, I was ready for the pregnancy glow, I was ready for […]

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There is a pain that comes from preparing a place in your heart for a child that never comes…[Trigger Warning Miscarriage]

But no one warned me of the process of pregnancy….

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Life after leaving the circus….(Trigger warning sexual abuse and drug use)

Moving into my boyfriend’s house was almost natural. After all I have been through this process before, however, this was really different. My new boyfriend was a fun loving humorous Dominican guy. He was a pot head and a video game addict, but I was more than happy with that arrangement. We would wake up […]

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Maybe the drugs will numb the pain…

If you had asked me when I first started drinking and using drugs, I am not sure that I would have been able to tell you that I was using to numb my emotional pain.

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Maybe this is what I deserve…. (** Trigger warning Domestic Violence)

Growing up I had always associated men with some form of abuse.

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Drama, lies, tears… Cheers to the teenage years…

Going through the first half of my teenage years was rough living with a father from another country. He would not allow me to wear thongs, skirts without shorts underneath, or even red nail polish and lipstick. I was not allowed to be a cheerleader as “only whores were cheerleaders” and I was not allowed […]